Courage to be Disliked

Keyword

• notion, gagasan
• grim, suram, mengerikan
• held sway, berkuasa
• salvation, keselamatan
• adamant, bersikukuh
• palpitation, tremor
• feasible, mungkin saja
• affluent, serba cukup
• disposition, watak
• endowed, diberkahi
• nevertheless, meskipun begitu
• shortcoming, kekurangan
• virtue, kebajikan
• counterpart, berlawanan/sebanding
• beset, dilanda
• braggart, tukang omon-omon
• tie up the loose ends, selesaikan hal-hal yang belum terselesaikan
• at the outset, pada awalnya
• scorn, cemooh
• infidelity, perselingkuhan
• succinctly, secara singkat
• abruptly, tiba-tiba
• bereft, kehilangan
• rebuke, menegur keras, celaan
• refute, bantahan
• nuisance, gangguan
• inquiry, penyelidikan
• stifles, menahan
• reek, berbau
• workaholism, kecanduan bekerja
• juncture, titik penting
• intriguing, menarik
• stammer, terbata-bata, gagap
• incongruity, keganjilan

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Introduction

• none of us live in an objective world, but instead in a subjective world that we have given meaning to, and it’s possible to share your world to the others
• there is no escape from your own subjectivity
• the issue is not the world, but about how you are

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The First Night: Deny Trauma

The Unknown Third Giant

• adlerian psychology

Why People Can Change

• the past doesn’t matter, ga ada istilah trauma, sebab akibat ga ada, bayangin masa sekarang dan masa depan dikontrol masa lalu
• we don’t think about past causes but rather about present goal
• etiologi vs teleologi, sebab akibat vs tujuan sekarang

Trauma Does Not Exist

• traumas influence are strong, but the important thing is that nothing is actually determined by those influence
• everyone of us is living in line with some goal

People Fabricate Anger

• anger is a tool to achieve goals

How to Live Without Being Controlled by Past

• we are not controlled by emotion, additionally it show that we are not controlled by past

Socrates and Adler

Are You Okay Just as You Are?

• kalau kamu bawaan lahirnya gitu ya pakai seadanya, jangan mikir ingin sama kaya orang lain, kamu jadi terfokus menyalahkan apa yang kamu punya

Unhappiness is Something You Choose for Yourself

People Always Choose not to Change

• we describe personality and disposition with the word “lifestyle” dan membuat kecenderungan berpikir dan bertindak
• lifestyle is something you can choose
• emang kita secara ga sadar punya lifestyle bawaan yang terpengaruh oleh environment, ras, budaya, tapi tetep kita yang menentukan, terjadi pada umur 10
• there is anxiety generated by changing, we put our great courage to change

Your Life is Decided Here and Now

• kita terus-terusan memilih untuk tidak berubah
• the first step is make a decision to stop your current lifestyle (if only i could be someone like… blabla)

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The Second Night: All Problem Are Interpersonal Relationships

Why You Dislike Yourself

• memikirkan kekurangan selalu muncul dipikiran yang selalu menjadi alasan aku membenci diriku, and there is no reason to start like myself
• terus kalo aku membenci diriku, apa golnya, apakah itu?
• golnya kamu dari awal emang tidak suka dirimu sendiri, huh?
• accept myself “now”, ini di adlerian disebut encouragement
• when you get into interpersonal relationships it is inevitable to get hurts

All Problems are Interpersonal Relationships

• selama ada people pasti ada masalah
• there is no such thing as worry that is completely defined by individual
• kamu takut ke interpersonal relationship jadi memulai untuk tidak menyukai dirimu agar menjauh

Feelings of Inferiority are Subjective Assumptions

• merasa kekurangan/inferior? masalahnya adalah bagaimana cara kita memberi value ke hal tersebut
• semuanya subjective feeling
• karena subjective maka? kamu bisa memilih mau kaya apa feelingnya 🤝

An Inferiority Complex is an Excuse

• feeling inferiority are something that everyone has
• semua orang terlahir helpless, maka dari itu manusia mencoba keluar dari hal tersebut yang disebut dengan “pursuit of superiority”
• kebalikannya adalah feeling of inferiority, dipakai untuk manusia berkembang
• jangan satukan inferiority complex dengan feeling of inferiority
• inferiority complex adalah menggunakan inferiority untuk alasan yang lain, situasinya A maka aku tidak bisa B

Braggarts Have Feeling of Inferiority Complex

• ketika tidak bisa mentolelir inferiority complexnya maka akan berbuat superiority complex
• what is that? make a show that show of being superiority
• pokonya kebalikan inferiority adalah superiority dan itu jelek juga, counterpart
• merasa jago

Life is Not a Competition

• hidup bukan berjalan ke atas balap dan saling menyusul untuk posisi superiority
• tetapi hidup adalah jalanan datar, ada yang pacenya cepat ada yang lambat, tapi bukan saling balapan
• cukup untuk kita maju terus kedepan, no need to compare
• feeling of inferiority tumbuh bukan berasal dari compare ke orang lain tetapi hasil dari compare ke ideal kita
• kita semua equal, egaliter
• there is no vertical axis

You’re The Only One Worrying About Your Appearance

• if someone could not escape life is a competition then that person must be could not escape interpersonal relationship too, because there are loser and winner
• you will never have a moments peace, you keep to not trust other person
• make them as positive comrades (the people)
• kamu tak bisa celebrate others people celebration because you treat them as your enemy
• you will not see world as perilous place, but safe and pleasant place

From Power Struggle to Revenge

• ada personal anger ada blabla
• kalau seseorang mencoba kamu marah maka dia sedang power struggle to you, kalo kamu marah kamu kalah

Admitting Fault is Not Defeat

• when you provoked, you are in challenged
• anger is a a tool
• ketika seseorang sudah menyatakan dirinya benar, maka sudah berada dalam power struggle

Overcoming the Tasks That Face in Your Life

• feeling inferiority is interpersonal relationship issues
• why you cant think people as your comrades, because you have lost your courage and running away from your “life task”
• self reliant dan living with harmony with society
• three task, work, love and friendship is life tasks
• the lowest is work, when tripped up jadi NEETs

Red String and Rigid Chains

• relationships in which people restrict each other eventually fall apart
• whenever i am with this person, i can behave very freely
• no matter how distressful, face it

Don’t Fall for the “Life-Lie”

• people are extremely selfish creatures who are capable of finding any number of flaws and shortcomings
• life lie segala sesuatu yang mencoba untuk avoid life tasks

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The Third Night: Discard Other People’s Tasks

Deny the Desire of Recognition

Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others

• adler was very critical about reward and punishment
• apabila tidak ada orang yang mengappraise ku aku tidak akan melakukannya
• if you’re not living for yourself, then who is going to live it for you?

How to Separate Tasks

• whose tasks is this?
• belajar adalah task anak bukan orang tua
• one does not intrude other people’s task ?
• all interpersonal relationship is based by intruding on other people’s tasks or having one own task intruded
• you can lead horse to water, but you cant make it drink

Discard Other People’s Tasks

• don’t intervene
• the act of believing is also the separation of tasks
• from here on, that is not my tasks
• you can make your life simpler

How to Rid Yourself of Interpersonal Relationships

• you are worried about people looking at you
• why you still worried? because you havent done the seperation of task
• FIRST “WHOSE TASK IS THIS?”

Cut the Gordian Know

• alexander the great potong tali chariot yang tertali di tiang
• katanya tidak ada yang bisa memotongnya tapi dia dengan pedangnya dengan 1x strike
• separation of task bukan tujuan, tapi gerbang
• there is a ties that called “Reward”
• anak yang tidak diberi pelajaran untuk berhadapan dengan masalah, akan menghindari masalah

Desire of Recognition Makes You Unfree

What Real Freedom Is

• faktanya pasti ada orang yang tidak suka kita, impossible untuk membuat orang suka kepada kita
• real freedom is an attitude akin tos pushing up one’s tumbling self from below
• freedom is being disliked by other people
• dont be afraid of being disliked

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The Fourth Night: Where the Center of the World Is

• separating task is cutting one’s connection to other people ?

Individual Psychology and Holism

• adlerian adalah individualism psychology that makes people into isolation
• in adler, body and soul is treated as one
• holism, memandang satu kesatuan tidak bisa dipisah lagi, dalam hal ini pikiran dan badan
• pikirkan separation task itu sebagai menarik tali dari sesuatu yang pabeulit

The Goal of Interpersonal Relationships is a Feeling of Community

• tujuan dari interpersonal relationship adalah community feeling
• ketika kita dikelilingi orang sebagai comrades, tentu bakal muncul rasa aman, kita bakal ngasih apa, pokonya baik, itu adalah community feeling
• all happiness are interpersonal relationship

Why Am I Only Instrested in Myself?

• orang yang tidak bisa melakukan seperation of task dan obsessed with recognition from other adalah self-centered people

You’re Not the Center of the World

• I bukanlah center of the world, you’re part of the community
• orang yang berfikir punya concern untuk dirinya sendiri mereka berfikir mereka center of the world
• rasa memiliki adalah hasil komitmen sendiri, bukan hanya sekedar berada disini

Listen to the Voice of a Larger Community

• scope of community is infinite
• kita dipecat, itu komunitas terkecil kaya tempat kerja
• kita harus sadar bahwa ada komunitas yang lebih besar yaitu universe (?)
• you belong to the universe
• we should be aware about multiple and larger communities
• if something happens within your small communities you should find larger communities
• you can understand how big is world is, lihat ke communities yang mungkin punya masalah itu seperti storm in a teacup

Do Not Rebuke or Praise

• adlerian refuses all manner of vertical relationships

The Encouragement Approach

• why people intervene? or get into other people's task?
• itu gara-gara vertical relationship
• kind of assistance based on horizontal relationship referred as encouragement
• ketika orang tidak menjalankan task nya, berarti dia lost courage
• dipuji membuat orang percaya bahwa dia tidak punya ability

How to Feel You Have Value

• don’t judge in horizontal relationships
• “I am beneficial to the community”

Exist in Present

• dengan orang orang hidup, orang bisa memberi manfaat
• worth is something one gives to oneselfz

People Cannot Make Proper Use of Self

• first of all lets make horizontal relationships

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The Fifth Night: To Live in Earnest in the Here and Now

Excessive Self-Consciousness Stifles the Self

Not Self-Affirmation, bur Self-Acceptance

• anyone can behave like a king when alone
• kamu hanya tidak bisa melakukannya ketika berada di depan orang
• it's about community feeling after all
• three things self-acceptance, confidence in others, contribution to others

The Difference Between Trust and Confidence

• langkah setelah self-acceptance adalah affirmative resignation
• menerima kenyataan yang tidak dapat diubah, lalu mengarahkan energi pada hal-hal yang masih bisa diubah.
• setelah itu sudah ter-grasp baru second key concept yaitu confidence in others
• not on trust but confidence
• kebalikan confidence adalah doubt, masa mau membangun komunikasi berdasarkan doubt?
• ketika kamu berbikir confidence ke seseorang unconditionally, kamu takut dimanfaatkan? sedang dimanfaatkan atau engga itu adalah task orang lain bukan kamu

The Essence of Work Is a Contribution to the Common Good

• you can accept yourself and you can have confidence in others
• saatnya yang ketiga, contribute to others, bukan self-sacrifice because it is too much
• aku benar-benar merasa contribute to the others, tanpa menghilangkan 'I'

Young People Walk Ahead of Adults

• understanding a human being is no easy matter

Workaholism is a Life-Lie

• hati-hati meng-generalisir, melihat segelitir tapi ngejudge keseluruhan
• apabila kamu bekerja dengan 10 orang, pasti ada 1 orang yang mengjudge mu
• dua orang accept everything
• sisanya bisa jadi keduanya
• lacking harmony in life, terlaku fokus ke yang jelek, ngejudge semuanya

You Can Be Happy Now

• apa itu kebahagiaan dalam diri manusia? ini sudah jadil bahasan yang klasik di philosophy
• bagi manusia ketidakbahagiaan adalah dengan tidak menyukai diri sendiri
• saya bisa bermanfaat ke orang adalah satu-satunya hal yang dapat memberi diri kita value
• dan memberi manfaat itu tidak diketahui tidak masalah, karena itu task orang lain
• one needs a feeling of contribution and not seeking for recognition
• kalau seseorang sudah punya feeling of contribution, no need for recognition

Two Paths Traveled by Those Wanting to Be "Special Beings"

• pursuit of easy superiority, berbuat seenaknya menarik perhatian agar dilihat sebagai sesuatu yang special beings, and this things is unhealthy

The Courage to Be Normal

• kenapa ingin jadi special beings? karena tidak bisa self-acceptance

Life Is a Series of Moments

• kalo kita punya lofty goals, kita bakal berahkir di 'en route'
• jangan treat is as line, but as dot
• dot is a moment of now

Live Like You're Dancing (!!!)

• dancing is the goal (YEAAH)
• no destination, does not stay in the same place, just focus dancing

Shine a Light on the Here and Now

• you cant see behind and front of you
• live earnestly and conscientiously
• hiduplah dengan sungguh-sungguh dan penuh tanggung jawab (sesuai hati nurani).

The Greatest Life-Lie

• the greatest life-lie is to not live here and now

Give Meaning to Seemingly Meaningless Life

• life is meaningless
• the power of 'I' is great, can change the world